It is fascinating how the mind works. Especially when it is waiting for life to happen. Even when life never stops. I have stopped writing my blog, as I was waiting for my computer to die (due to me placing it in sourdough), waiting to find out our next step, waiting to see if we were going to be true to our initial plan of living off the land and becoming farmers.
That is what I have been doing for a long time. Waiting. I was waiting in Australia to start a new life somewhere else. I would say to myself: “I will start this project or that painting once I get settled somewhere.”
Once we did make a move with our daring decisions, then it was another waiting game...When we stop WWOOFing and find a farm or someone to work with together then we can finally start something. Then the WWOOFing ended, next came San Francisco and well after that, more waiting.
What I am waiting for? For my stars to align? For my path in life to laid in front of me with each step lit with gold? I surprise myself sometimes. How I get so easily sidetracked, so easily deterred from my own ideas. I do not even know the reason behind it. Fear is an easy answer. Fear of failure. Deep down I do not even think that is the exact cause and for that matter, it does not matter what stops me only that it me that stops me.
What are our plans? I am afraid to say they have gotten a bit more boring since I last wrote. Thorsten has got a job as an environmental consultant and we are currently staying in a furnished apartment not too far from Frankfurt, without a yard. We are looking for a home to and with a job comes some well needed income, stability, and a bit more freedom for planning! A far fetch from our farming dreams…However far they are away they are still close and dreams change.
We made a joint decision that full fledge farming was not for us as we have learned from WWOOFing that in order to make a living from farming, it requires so much of your time (which we already were aware of), so many regulatory hoops, and a lot of start up money with no real way of getting a loan or being able to pay it back on the earned income. Also finding farmer soul mates is not so easy. If you join with an existing farmer, it is tough to realize your dreams and finding a family of freshy-farmers to farm on a place where you can both agree on is also not an easy task.
This does not change the fact that we loved it, we just also love traveling, family time and free time. This road might have made a slight detour but we are still including farming in our lives. Thorsten is even growing mushrooms from a box in our apartment and plotting his next moves in aquaponics (TBC)!
We have ideas, we have made the first steps and now we must in turn let our path update. Adjust to all of our changes. Everything is how it should be.
Our path in this life is our path, we can dream and even when it looks as if our dreams did not come true, that is not the case and I have learned there is a reason for it. It is exactly how it is supposed to be. With every step, with every bold move there is time and space in between. It is up to us to take advantage of every minute.
I have learned from just looking at pictures of my daughter: when she feels she is waiting she is not a happy camper; when she feels she does not have to wait she enjoys every moment.
The problem here is not failing to realize our dreams, the problem is not living in the present. It is time to stop and enjoy the rock with each flooded stream.
